Say Hi to Dave

Today was my first day alone since Dave passed. When I anticipated and wrote about the eventual grief I would experience after Dave left this earth, I knew it would be harder than I could imagine. There are no shortcuts with grief. I am feeling all of it. People say it gets better with time. I expect it will, but I will miss Dave every day for the rest of my life.

Dave passed away November 30th. His Celebration of Life was December 6th. It was a beautiful tribute to Dave's character and perseverance. I heard many say it was the most meaningful service they had ever attended. 

Our family has been humbled by the overwhelming and generous support we have received. Thank you. I am so appreciative my sister and brother-in-law stayed with me until yesterday. Saturday they helped me pick out and decorate my Christmas tree, something I would not have wanted to do alone.

In 2012 after his last brain surgery, Dave finally got the rehab that wasn’t available in the 70s when the injury first happened. The therapist told Dave it was okay to remove himself from situations that were unbearable for those with a brain injury—large gatherings of people where there would be a lot of stimuli and noise. So, for the last years I went to church, weddings, family reunions and other social events by myself. The last thing people would say to my back as I was leaving was “Say hi to Dave.”

There are so many things I wish I could say to Dave now. How sorry I am I wasn’t there when he passed away that night, how much I love him, how I am glad he is free from suffering, how he finally got his due at the Celebration of Life. But I know all has been made right for Dave and he’s experiencing unimaginable joy in the presence of Jesus.

I will try to stay busy and do the things one does to grieve with support. I'm going to attend our church's "Blue Christmas" held next week for those who are hurting through the holidays. I signed up for a grief support group in January. I am looking forward to helping with the grandkids and getting involved in church. I plan on traveling to see friends and family around the country. My first trip will be to California to visit Dave's mom. 

Eventually I'll settle into my new normal. But, right now it is too quiet. I feel the emptiness of not having Dave here.

Thank you, Dave, for being my rock. You guided me in learning how to let go of control and trust God in all things. Oh, how I am missing you, but your words are staying with me. I will always love you.